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Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part
1, General Strategies for Unproductive Behavior
By Steve Kaye
It happens easily. You're conducting a meeting and suddenly a small
side meeting starts. Then someone introduces an unrelated issue. Someone
else ridicules the new issue. Everyone laughs, except the person who
mentioned the idea. Then someone insults the person who told the joke. Two
people stand up and walk out. Others complain that the meeting is a waste of
time.
Now, what do you do?
And how do you prevent this sort of thing from happening?
Or what could you have done to stop it once it started?
Here are basic strategies for dealing with unproductive behavior in
meetings.
Respect other people.
Always treat others with respect, even if they are doing things that seem
wrong.
Their "bad" behavior could be based on many things, such as a lack of skill,
a
misunderstanding, or a response to a threat. It could also be a simple
mistake. Or maybe they're expressing an indirect warning, complaint, or cry
of pain. If you
respond with disrespect, such as with a counterattack, you will make a bad
situation worse. They will either retreat, which means they stop
contributing to your meeting, or they will retaliate, which can escalate to
an argument that ruins your meeting.
Ask questions.
Use questions to find out what is really happening. For example, when
someone
introduced a new issue, you could have responded by saying, "That sounds
interesting, and I wonder how that relates to what we are working on."
Notice that
this is a neutral, gentle question. It is not a trick question like, "What
are your trying to do, ruin my meeting?" and it is not a command like, "Hey,
stick to the topic." Both of these (hostile) responses put the other person
in an awkward position, which is a form of disrespect.
Focus on the behavior.
Your goal is to hold an effective meeting -- not teach lessons. If you
attempt to
punish people, through admonitions, ridicule, or threats, you will make
enemies. In the short term, that can ruin the effectiveness of your meeting,
and in the long term it can ruin your career. So, when unproductive behavior
appears in your meeting, talk about the behavior. For example, if a side
conversation starts, you could say, "We seem to have more than one meeting
going on now, and that's preventing us from working on the budget."
Apply diplomatic courage.
Leaders project strength and confidence; losers project negativity and fear.
Detach from the behavior that seems bothersome, realizing it is simply
something that the other person is doing. Assume that there is no personal
intent to damage you. Just talk about what is happening and ask for what you
want to happen as shown in the above paragraph.
Show what you expect.
Be a model for effective meeting behavior. If it is your meeting, or if you
hold a
leadership role in your organization, realize that others regard you as the
standard for their actions. If you arrive on time for meetings, others will
interpret this to mean that they should come to your meetings on time. If
you make positive appropriate contributions in meetings, others will infer
that this is what you expect from them.
Apply these strategies to make your meetings effective.
This is the first of a seven part article on Managing Monsters in Meetings.
This is the first part of a series of article on Managing Monsters in
Meetings. Next
month I'll show you how to deal with specific situations that get in the way
of
holding an effective meeting.
About the author:
IAF Certified Professional Facilitator and author Steve Kaye works with
leaders who want to hold effective meeting. His innovative workshops have
informed and
inspired people nationwide. His facilitation produces results that people
will
support. Sign up for his free newsletter at
http://www.stevekaye.com.
Call 714
-528-1300 or visit his web site for over 100 pages of valuable ideas.
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