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Why People Don't Listen... and Some Fun
Things You Can Do About It
By Carla Rieger
It's frustrating when your
co-workers, audience members, teenager or even your dog (!) won't listen.
While you can't control how they receive what you say, you can control how
you send it. Here are a few tips on why people don't listen and what you can
do to change it.
1. Short Attention Spans
When asked to guess the average adult attention span, most people say around
thirty minutes. According to statistics, however, the average adult
attention span is actually only seven seconds. That's right! Every seven
seconds you go away somewhere. You think about something else. In fact, you
could actually be taking a mental break right now! It is a normal part of
how the brain integrates external stimuli like when your computer starts
defragging for a moment while you type. It helps to pause from time to time
when you speak. This allows people to integrate your information or ask a
clarifying question. Also, include examples to anchor your concepts. For
example (see--I'm doing it now!), a concept without an example is like tree
without roots, a house without a foundation, or Sonny without Cher. It just
doesn't have as much staying power.
2. Too Many Distractions
I was in a meeting the other day and five people coughed, four people side
talked, three cell phones rang, two people went to the restroom, and a
partridge did email on his PDA. Distractions are a big part of modern life.
Your best bet is to acknowledge the distractions in a playful way such as a
manager who recently led a meeting I attended. When a cell phone rang, he
grabbed for it and said, “Oh, that's for me….my mother likes to check in on
me from time to time”. That prompted everyone to turn off their phones.
3. Lack of Training
Few of us were formally taught how to listen. While you probably took
Reading 8, Writing 11, did you ever take Listening 10? It's little wonder
listening is challenging. Quite accidentally, I learned how to listen by
practicing meditation. After a five-day retreat, I felt very light-hearted
and so went to visit my aging father who was hard of hearing. My habit was
to sit vacantly for hours while he complained about his arthritis, the error
on his bank statement, and how hard it is to find good slippers. After this
retreat, I surprised myself by totally paying attention to him with patience
and compassion. After about ten minutes of complaining he suddenly changed
tracks and started telling me fascinating and funny stories about his
childhood. Then he cranked up his hearing aid and asked about me! Learn how
to be present with people, give them your full, undivided attention and be
ready for some pleasant surprises.
4. Language Barriers
It is no secret that the world of business is fast becoming a multicultural
world. Although English is the default language of commerce, many people in
your audience may speak English as a second language. Last month I was
addressing a large insurance company where most attendees turned out to be
new immigrants from China. I used the expression “getting jiggy with it”,
and I saw people rifling through their dictionaries. This prompted me to say
“I'm sorry, that went way over your head”, and a number of people looked up
at the ceiling! If your listeners are ESL or have a more basic educational
background, you need to simplify your language. Use much more literal
descriptions rather than cultural expressions. Use facial and body language
to express humor, and fewer words.
5. Unchecked Assumptions
Back in the 70s, Gilda Radner a comedienne who regularly performed on
Saturday Night Live was well known for her popular character Emily Litella,
a social activist with a hearing problem. Her causes included such important
issues as violins on television, soviet jewelry and endangered feces.
Believe it or not, those Emily Litella types can be found in your audiences.
For example, I once told a story about my mother who was a secretary for the
British Civil Service in WWII. She spent most of her time daydreaming that
her boss would burst into the room and ask her to spy against the Germans.
She could leave the nasty paperwork behind, don a disguise and become the
next Mata Hari. Needless to say, one day her boss did burst into the room
but instead he fired her for daydreaming all the time. A woman approached me
after this story and told me that she used to be a Hari Krishna, too. One
way to clear up false assumptions is to state your point in many different
ways.
6. No Reason to Listen
Finally, the main reason people don't listen is because you haven't answered
their favorite question: “What's in it for me?” Before you start a
long-winded monologue, tell your listener why you need their attention and
make sure they understand how it will be benefit them. For example, “I'd
like to tell you about this free software that will block all the spam
before it gets to your Inbox …interested?” That will give you much better
results than “When I was a youngster and I sat down in front of my first
computer, I asked myself how can I make this machine work for me…” In
general, put yourself in your listener's shoes before you talk and their
ears tend to perk up.
And just remember the greatest of all wisdom--no one ever listened himself
out of a new friendship.
Copyright 2005 Yes Education Systems
About the author:
Carla Rieger is an expert on the artistry of change. You can reach her at
http://www.carlarieger.com or at 1-866-294-2988. Carla uses proven
secrets from the world of artistry to help your organization becoming a
leader of innovation. She has been a professional speaker, trainer,
facilitator and performance storyteller since the mid-80s. She is the
director of Yes Education Systems, a creative communications and creative
consulting firm since 1991. She has written three critically acclaimed
manuals, Managing Change with a sense of humor, Speaking on the Funny Side
of the Brain and The Heart of Presenting, in addition to many articles in
trade journals and magazines. She has taught thousands to unlock the funny
side of their brains, and to mine negativity both within and without for the
key innovative solutions. Her work has been featured on radio, TV and many
publications. She founded several theatre groups including Mad Cow
Productions, Vancouver Playback Theatre and Mythic Cafe. She also wrote,
produced and performed a one-woman show, Dancing Between Worlds.
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